She was in love. Yes, love, the most over hyped word anybody could use in this entire universe, a word which has lost all it’s meaning today. She loved him. She just wanted him.Her happiness depended on him. Being in love with him for her was giving away her self esteem completely. Dependent, vulnerable, emotional, these are the things you could tag her with. It was all okay for her, for she was in love. And he? He loved her, maybe. Though she’s not that type of girl now. She now thinks of her self esteem before investing anything in anyone. She is over him. She had to. Though, there was something disturbing her. Something, she wanted him to know. Something, she wanted to tell him, but feared of losing him. She wanted him to know what she went through, what he made her go through. She didn’t say anything though. She was scared of he leaving her. This wasn’t wrong for her. Everything related to him was right for her. He was her first love. She could’ve possibly done anything he wanted. Anything. She didn’t ask for much. How could she ask for something, when she was told not to keep any expectations. All she wanted was her importance in his life. His life was way different from hers. He had his family, his friends, his lifestyle. And none matched to hers. She was a major part of his life, ‘coz she was the only one who understood him completely. Even then, she was not acknowledged for even being a part of his life. Her friends hated him, for the zombie he created in her. His friends? Didn’t even know there was a girl existing in his life. His world was in a secured bubble. She, obviously was out of that bubble. She tried her best to go on the other side of the bubble. She did everything. Changed herself on how he wanted, behaved the way he wanted. She forgot her own family, friends, even her own self to please him. And gained nothing. Nothing. She didn’t know if he loved her. She still doesn’t. He never showed, never said. She would barely get a chance to feel his touch. They didn’t meet that often. He, having his explanations on being busy. She, being equally busy, tried to figure out time for him. Her text messages, phone calls, ignored. He was quite a busy man it seems. Four years passed by, she trying to prove, that she’s the only girl who could handle him, only girl who could stick to him and love him unconditionally. Four years was a long time though, long enough for turning a human into a zombie, to a heartless bitch she is now. A day, when she finally decided to be firm, not wanting him anymore in her life, leaving him, and moving ahead, was the day when he felt that she was the one, he wanted her, for the rest of his life, he realised he loved her. Realised it too soon, I guess. She was firm though, she didn’t wanted him anymore. She was tired. How much more could she do. Everybody has a limit. The coins were turned. He cried for her, begged her to stay, for a change. He knew, this wasn’t an on-off breakup which he often did for the past four years, this was a serious one, the never looking back one. He wanted to change her mind, one last time, asked for one last chance ‘coz he knew, once she goes, she’ll never come back. But this was how destiny was playing with them. She had asked for love,many times, never got, instead, loved selflessly, without realising, she was destroying herself. Two years passed . Now, he’s not a part of her life anymore. Infact he’s not a part of anyone’s life anymore. Yet, she being so firm and independent, still hopes for one miracle to take place. She wants to feel that love again. On the other hand, she had to be strong, not letting her emotions come out, focusing on what was good for her. Underneath this strong, firm, fierce, independent girl is the old version of her- innocent, sweet, caring and selflessly loving, who’s forcefully supposed to be trapped inside. Not letting the world know, on how weak she can be. Heartbreaks which made her a zombie then, made her even more strong now. She knew, she deserved something better, somebody who can make the effort, somebody who might fight for her, somebody who might be afraid of losing her. She didn’t ask for anything then, still doesn’t. Though, she didn’t stop expecting, typical human nature. Love changes everyone. Changed her too. She believed, she only fell once. Love doesn’t go away though, it finds it’s way back through some other form. Maybe that’s what she’s expecting. To feel that love again, to feel that pain again. To the boys, to be honest, I know, girls get demanding, but the only basic thing every girl would want is their importance in your life. If you can make her feel special when you’re in your “mood”, you obviously owe her some importance. And when you start to show your complacent, that’s when you start to lose her and before you know, she’s gone.
I know we had our differences when I was younger. I remember how our opinions wouldn’t match on something and I know in your head you were regretting giving birth to me. Haha. I know, I was your creation of disaster, though be thankful, I did not harass you when I was a little kid. I was so quiet. I wonder how. But things have changed now. We share the same thought. I remember when I was 5, I envied you, for having such pretty set of dresses, wondered, when I’ll be a little older, I’ll ask for them and here Iam after 15 years fitting into some of your dresses which hasn’t lost any shine. But you know here’s a thing, they just suited you.
I don’t know what made us so close. It was quick. A thing, I never realised was happening. I was sharing everything with you, and you were listening to every bit I said, without judging me. Everything you used to tell earlier, made sense to me now. How could you predict everything before it would happen? How did you know everything already? Maybe you hold a secret telepathy with God. I know you wanted me to make you proud, just like the others did then and just like I do now. Maybe the problem with then was I wasn’t sure of what I was doing. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting this long. I know you don’t ask for anything, but I promise, I’ll give everything back to you just how you want it to be. It’s weird, how you are both- my strength and my weakness. There was a time when there was negativity around me and you taught the notion of karma. On the fact of the bad getting their punishment for the wrong they do. It’s been 20 years with you. The thought of going away from you, tells me, how weak Iam without you. We made a mother-daughter DDLJ train sequence of our own- crying till one of our train leaves. Haha. Waking up early in the morning, making tiffins, so that I don’t starve the entire day. I always denied of taking tiffins, coz I knew you are a great cook, everybody would fall in love with your food, which they do now, and then ultimately I would have to share it with them. Sharing is caring is a myth when it comes to your food. You are the woman with magical hands. Thank you for tolerating my bhook swings, I know, I behave like a pregnant woman sometimes, but then it’s all worth it. Thank you for not discriminating me with a boy, since I was your only child, you believed me, and that’s alot for me. I’m thankful, I don’t have to go through what some girls go through. I know soon, after few years, another woman would be in my life, another Amma. Unfortunately, I will have to share my love for the both of you and I know you will be jealous, you should be. Chill I ain’t gonna forget you, maybe. Haha. But on a serious point, that’s what you’ve taught me, to love, and to spread love.
Many people call us alike- like I’m the younger version of you, I resemble you, I look like you, I’m your duplicate. It’s me who strongly objects on that. I’m not like you. I can never be like you. I might just look like you, but I’m not you. You have an inner glow, which I don’t. You have an inner goodness, I don’t. You’re sorted, you know what you do, and I’m all messed up. You have your strength, for me, you are my strength. There are things you want me to understand, but I don’t, maybe I will understand when I will become a mother, that will be the other mess I would create. Haha. I love you Amma. You are a beauty. My sexiest lady. My moti.
One and only daughter
Mrs. Shobha Rao,
“Thank you for serving me food all this time.” Happy Mother’s Day.❤
Feminism has been misunderstood in a very wrong way these days. Any person who walks by claims that they’re feminist. Why is the term feminism a cliché? Feminism is basically giving equal rights to both the sexes of the society. Eventually people misunderstand feminism with just rights implied to the women. Don’t people want women to have equal rights as men? It’s sad when you see two types of women: there’s a portion of women who want to be independent, who want to run a house on their own with their own income and then there’s another portion who will be under the influence of a man not unintentionally, but with their own consent. I agree that that’s a safe option, but is that’s what defines you like a women? It’s the society which has created such a nuisance on giving men the power. Maybe it was eventually a woman who stood up billions of years ago and said that she’s weak to do any labour, past then the men started ruling the world. Woman have to go through issues in every stage of their life.
Stage 1: When the girl is born.
Giving birth to a boy in a family is such a big thing for the people whereas when it’s a girl, some even kill her when it’s inside the womb. Where does the happiness, the celebration they make when a boy is born go when the same boy gets married and leaves his parents to have a life of his own. Why do they need the girls in sorrow? Are girls just meant to give support when there’s no support at all?
Stage 2: In-house partiality.
Why are the rules for boys and girls so different in a house? A daughter has to help her mother in the house, the son will play, create nuisance and the eventually the daughter or the mother has to clean his mess. Why can’t mother’s teach their son’s to cook? Is that wrong? Or are they just made to create mess? The son can go out have fun even in the late nights but the daughters are supposed to be at home. Why? Oh yeah obviously b’coz of rape. Silly me!!! Even when the rape happens, it’s meant to be the girl’s fault!🤔 Dafuq? Really? Ok so the boy is safe even here. Why don’t you keep the boys at home instead? What if a girl cheats on a boy? It’s still the girl’s fault. Not only is she blamed, but also criticized to be a characterless women throughout her life. So irrespective of whatever is happening in nature is a girl’s fault. Just waiting for a day when they will blame women for global warming😂.
Stage 3: Body shaming.
Every creature on this planet are of different sizes. Why are the women criticized on their body structures? Women want to be loved irrespective of their shapes and colour. Every women is beautiful. Thank god, that women don’t judge you on your capacity of intelligence or behaviour, ‘coz if that would happen, you would be nowhere. Rules be so different for girls of different sizes, fat girls are told to wear full length clothes covering all the parts of your body. What are you? A surprise gift? To be wrapped all over? They are criticized on being fat and been told like a 100 times on losing weight. I was a fat kid, I know the pain🤐 . It’s just not the oversized women, but even the healthy women. There’s even a problem if you’re skinny, people would keep asking you on how much you eat and stuff , keep bullying you and still won’t fail to criticize.
Stage 4: Education.
When it comes to the education of a girl,in some parts, they are not being educated much than the boys. Why? Du-uh! “Ladka tho khaandaan ka chiraag hai, ladki ka kya hai kal ko usko shaadi karke dusre ghar hi tho jaana hai, usko padhake kya karenge?” even now in some parts of our country, girls are told to sacrifice their education and get them married. They’ll set all their horses behind their son to become a “gentlemen”. How can anyone not educate their children for the sake of marriage?
Stage 5: Marriage.
All the girl’s have experienced this in their early life itself, when the daughter won’t help the mother, she would eventually curse her on what her future in-laws would say. Why is it that marriage is always considered to be the endpoint of a women’s life? There are things which women crave to do inspite of getting married. Women have dreams too!
Stage 6: Domestic violence.
In simple words “Pati jo bhi kare, usko sehen karo”. Whatt?? I don’t think my parents have brought me up this far to tolerate a man hitting me/torturing me for his frustration. That’s the matter of a man’s ego winning over women’s self respect. People think marital rape is a piece of shit! If the woman is married, how is it considered to be a rape? No darling, pleasuring a woman without her consent is RAPE. So if she says no, it’s a NO, not yes or maybe.
Stage 7: Motherhood.
The most precious stage of a woman’s life, yet the most bizarre. People consider labour pains in a very normal way like how they consider period pains to be. How would it feel if a penis exploded one day getting a baby out of it? Feel gross? Woman have been doing that all these years. This doesn’t stop here, after the birth of the child, we’re back to square one on the discrimination of the boy and the girl.
A woman’s life just moves in a circle having all these issues of ignorance, discrimination, criticism and denial. The good aspects just go away like how good days come and go. People usually blame religion on keeping the women lower in all places. Trust me, I’ve read the Bible and Quran, there’s no such phrase in the holy books which call or state women weaker. Love your daughter, mother, sister and wife, they are precious.
“Women are beautiful, irrespective of their shapes and colour,love them,not criticize.”